The Ballad of Cellphone Notworks

There’s this little roadblock I hit, each time I take this tempting detour out of traffic. And then I sit wondering what could possibly lead me to take the same path, over and over again. Then I realized that I don’t stumble down this path only on the road. I keep butting my head, full force, into the impenetrable mysteries of my cellphone network.


Why mystery? Simple. It’s incomprehensive and behaves almost humanly. Dissolving into nothingness one moment and then appearing in full fury. Just why I look back and wonder, what makes the network simply non-existant in my bedroom and the bars suddenly appear in the hallway. This implies that the only place I can make or receive calls from is my hallway. Dang depressing. Next up is this strange phenomenon of delayed text messages. They just know the precise moment, somewhere in the future, where they can simply pop up on my contact’s screen and cause the greatest timing fails of all time. How about GPS services never being available when you need them the most? Absolute apathy in the airwaves if you ask me. Furious, you decide to corner and conquer them when bill pay’s up but hey, somehow your phone catches on, even in the basement far, far away. Oh and this poltergeist also knows who’s calls to receive and who to flatly ignore.
Quite and inconvenience for new lovers, if you ask me. But then there’s no escaping the wrath. From medium to medium, operator to operator and bandwidth to bandwith, there’s never good news. Just another reason to wave your phone in the air, pretending it may catch the waves or in more likely cases, banging the phone down to the ground, hoping it would be devoured by root like projections as the prized and efficient landline phone would, back in the day. I wish every cellphone user full power, strength and the will to go ahead and drive more hatred towards the malice of the 21st century.

Note – “Compensation was provided by U.S. Cellular via Glam Media. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions or positions of U.S. Cellular.”